Thursday, March 3, 2016

Help Me....Love me!

He stops!
He steps back....and drops the flashlight.
He starts to cry and runs outside like he just saw a ghost.
I want to run after him to hug him,
To tell him that it is okay.

Yes, to console him.
Yes, the man who was about to kill me,
Yes, the man who hits me for loving him.
Yes, him that I have lost everything for.
Yes, I know..I am stupid.

Why do I stay you ask,
Why am I this stupid you wonder.
I will tell you...
I will show you...
I will explain.

Because I am weak...he had made me.
He owns my mind..heart and sadly decisions.
He has made me feel like if I leave...he will die or kill me.
And I feel like I have to stay to help him be human again,
Should I? NO!

But unless you are in my shoes..You will never know.
You will never understand. And I know that.
So please help me....
Not by judging me but by helping me love myself again.
Not by disowning me but by embracing me.

Help me help myself first.
Help my heart heal,
Help my mind recover.
Help my soul come back.
Help me talk about this!

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Set My Mind Free..

He stands at the door pointing a flashlight on me,
I am in the corner still scared of him,
He calls my name...twice.
He sounds angry yet concerned.
I can't answer cause he will hear my sobs,
And he will kill he promised.

He starts walking towards me,
His heavy boots, strong on the wooden floor,
Each step and I hear my mother's sob by my grave,
He keeps calling my name,
I can't answer cause he will hit me for having not answered earlier.
And he will kill my soul the others.

He is now standing next to me,
He shines the light on me,
I am in his t-shirt and nothing else.
The floor is wet...from the water he poured on me earlier.
I am trying not to look up or breathe hard cause he will punish me,
And he will kill my hope to ever see myself ...who he hates.

"Bird, look at me."He whispers and crouches to touch my hair.
I feel care in his voice and hear concern in his tone.
I have a battle inside me...'Look!Don't!Look!Don't!'
I lift my head slowly to look at him...
"Are you crying? Bitch!" He shouts, grabs and slaps me!
And I know this time he will kill me...It is in his eyes.

Then my life starts to flash before my eyes,
Everybody told me that he will one day kill me,
My family, but my mother, disowned me,
My friends all left cause they were tired of my wounds.
But I thought I could help him...change!
And here he is, about to kill me...I know it is too late.

Then, he grabs my hair and pulls me up.
"You little bitch! Always crying!" He head-butts me.
The pain is too much but not like what I feel in my heart.
Then I tell him that I am pregnant....

Thursday, January 7, 2016

I am dying

His words flowing through my nerves,
His charm controlling my heart,
His eyes fixed on mine,
He keeps talking!
I can't look away or stop smiling.
Because his lies give me life.

He breathes on my veins,
I stop thinking,
I stop caring.
I stop being myself.
He whispers my name.
My heart stops.
My mind starts racing.
His lies give me seizures.

But all of a sudden it is over,
He gets up and leaves.
He goes back to her.
And I am left crying in the shower.
I start thinking of his lies.
I curse myself,
But my phone rings...It is him.
He lies and my sobs turn to giggles.

I know he is a liar,
I hate that I know that and still stay,
Yet I can't stop myself or him...them.
They are all the same..and so am I.
I am married to lies and highs.
But his lies cure my addictions.

Society has given me names,
My friends talk behind my back,
My life is the talk of the village,
My mother prays for my delivery,
My father loathes my lifestyle.
And this pushes me to call him..
I need his lies to feel again,
I live a lie but I can't leave.

The syringes in the bedside drawer, are my family.
Their numbers on my phones, my only link to humans.
I can't function without him...or them.
I know he will kill me,
I know I should stop coz he loves her and not me.
But I am shackled to his lies.
He seduces me better than anyone ever
I am dying.

Friday, October 9, 2015

I Know My Place

I am a woman.
I do know my place.
I know what the society expects of me,
I know what culture dictates of me,
I know what you, man, expects.
I do know my place.

I know my place,
My place is your solace,
My place is the calm to your storm,
The fire that melts your cold pains,
And the breeze that blows your rage,
The eyes that see your soul,
And the arms that embraces you to comfort.

I know my place.
My place is on my knees praying for your success,
My place is before God, pleading for your protection, guidance and wisdom,
My place is at the throne asking for your share,
My place is in believing in you,
And in encouraging, caring, respecting and supporting you.

I know my place,
My place is to submit,
I submit to you in respect, love and honour,
I submit not because you ask,
Not because it is expected or He commanded in His word,
But because He created us,He knows you better than I ever will.
I submit because He is never wrong.

I know my place,
My place is not in the kitchen,
My place is not in the bedroom,
My place is not physical,
My place is in your peace.
For in peace you will be happy to take me to the physical place.
For your peace means caring, and that means my happiness.

Friday, October 2, 2015

Holding On To Your Shadow

We are inside an empty, cold and wet cave.
I can hear echoes of our heart beats, of our breath.
I see your shining eyes in the dark,
I can tell you are crying,
I can tell that you are scared.

I stretch my hand to touch you,
But you push my hand away,
I feel so crashed that you don't want me,
I see something move behind you,
Is it a bat? An animal or a shadow?
I stretch my hand again and you again push it away.

I can now hear you sobbing,
I see your tears glowing,
I hear fear in your sobs,
I see that you are trembling.
But why?
So I whisper to you, "Tee! What is wrong?"
And you lose it and start crying out loud but you don't say anything.
"Tee, talk to is me....Tee, please, say something"


Damn!! I see her...I see them.
They are here...all of them.
"Tee!! Ohh boy! They! You are bleeding"
I stand up to run to check on you.
"Stop! Bitch!"She shouts "Or I will finish him!"
I stop.
Then I look at her... she is beautiful.
The others are covered in hooded black robes.

"Sit down!"
"Nooo babe. Run!"
"Run and you will never see him, Bitch!"
"Babe, Run! I am no more"
"I will shoot her Tee. Don't try me"
I am confused. Do I sit or run.
I love you Tee...I want to see you again.

Then I see it!
I scream!
I run to you!!
The sword is deep!
You are bleeding too much.
Then you drop to your knees,
"So sorry babe...I didn't know...I....I...Love..."
"Nooooo Teeee! Don't do this"
You lose consciousness.
I am left holding to your shadow.

END of Part I